Add Homeschooling to the list...

This new year, 2020, our family has definitely embarked on a big adventure.

HOMESCHOOL

First, let me state, I, would have NEVER thought I would homeschool. In fact, I have never had any desire to even homeschool. Not that I am against it. If it works for your family that's fine, I just never wanted the responsibility of educating my children and I reallllllly lacked the patience. 

The things we do for our children. 

Let me tell you how the decision of homeschooling came about since I just stated I never wanted to do it. 

When we moved to Oklahoma, we came from North Carolina and left behind a great public school. I heard stories of the school Gabriel would be attending but I hoped for the best. Since the first day... and I mean the VERY first day of school for him, we have had issues. Not just with the school, but with other kids, his teacher (who I do like) had 28 students and no assistant and from what I heard, had many troublesome kids in the class. So as the months went by... Gabriel's scores (they test on computers) were already below grade level and they didn't change over the time of 3 months. He was just getting further behind. He was suppose to have an academic personal plan (to be pulled out of class for individual help) due to his scores. I still don't know if they actually started doing that. His teacher stated during our one conference that he was bright and knows a lot but he has a lack of focus and trouble listening. Which in all honesty, is no surprise because he is the same way at home.

To add to the issues at school, at his yearly check up I brought up concerns for Gabriels overactive behavior and his doctor agreed. Gabriel went for further testing which included eye and ears test and then to a behavioral therapist to observe and evaluate him. 

The end of November, Gabriel had yet another incident at school... this time I picked him up with a goose egg of a bump on his forehead. I was DONE. I had enough. Homeschool had popped in my mind but no actions came about till the first of December. The therapist confirmed a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD.

Between the school and his diagnosis, Chad and I decide to step in and take charge. I didn't want to HOPE the school would work with him or wait and see if things would change for the better. Because what if they didn't? He would just fall even more behind. That's when I knew.... I was the best thing for him. 

I could let him stand up while writing or take a break and jump on our little trampoline. I could give him that one on one attention he needs. Then came the research because I had no clue where to begin or what to do. So I researched and talked to other homeschooling moms. It was so overwhelming but I was determined. Everyone wants their child to succeed and I didn't want to let my son down. 

So here we are after a week of homeschooling. We have survived. 

Gabriel actually told me two days ago "thanks mom for homeschooling me". Cue the tears.

Gabriel even says he likes school now. Is it hard for me? Yes and no. I need to be organized with his school work. I do worry about him socializing so I try and think of ways for him to interact with other kids. I do enjoy seeing him learn something new and I get to spend more time with him. 

Ask me in about a month how its going but the plan is to continue homeschooling while we live in Oklahoma. I haven't decided what to do with the 3 year old this fall who will be 4 and will start preschool. Right now, we are taking it day by day. 

So add homeschooling mom to the list of things I never thought I would do. We are both enjoying it though and I think its going to work for us. ☺️

He was Special

     As we go through life, we always have certain memories that stick out. Usually happy ones... but we also remember the not so happy ones. Today, is one of those days for me and unfortunately it's a sad memory. I am going to tell you about a man that was in my life and how special he was to me. 

     Today, my stepdad died 7 years ago from ALS or also known as Lou Gehrig's disease. This disease attacks nerve cells and muscle function that aggressively gets worse. There is no cure.
     Nick, my stepdad, wasn't just a random guy that had been married to my mom for a year and I barely knew. Nope. Nick went to the church I grew up at. He knew me since I was 7 or 8 maybe. When he married my mom, I was 12... I had braces and definitely in those awkward preteen/teenage years. Then my mom and Nick were married for 10 years when he died. So this man... my stepdad was not just a man I barely knew. Nick was a father to me.

     He watched me grow up. Nick was there at my middle school band concerts. He was there when I started dating boys... and I watched him embarrassed me as a new boyfriend came over to hang out. Nick also sent me my first flowers, a dozen roses, at school. I can still hear my mom and Nick singing in the car... practicing a choir song for church. After church on Sundays, he'd teach me how to drive (when I was 15 of course) so we'd take back roads and drive around North Carolina. We would have game nights and got Chinese food while we all watched movies. He would even give foot rubs to me and my mom. Nick would go to bath and body works... smell different lotions then buy one to bring home for us, just for foot rubs. He was special. Nick was there in his transformer wheelchair when Chad and I got married. He would make goofy faces and would make the most of every moment. These are the memories that make me smile and I think about all year long. How he would have made a funny joke about some sort of food... or when a Bon Jovi song comes on, I can see us singing at the top of our lungs in the car. 

     But today... today I think of the day he finally went home to heaven. The days before he passed were long. Nick had been on a ventilator for over a year and he had been bedridden for almost just as long. He couldn't speak and had used a computer that spoke for him that he controlled with his eyes. That last week, he couldn't even use that because he didn't have the strength in his eyes anymore. The days before his death, he was having fluid build up in his lungs. It was heartbreaking to see the man whose always been so strong, outgoing, and lively.... be dying from this terrible disease. Chad and I would rotate shifts sitting with him during the night while my mom could get some sort of rest.Then, Nick went home to heaven during the sunrise of October 26th 2012 and he was 43 years old. I saw him take his last breathe... and I felt peace in the room. As heartbreaking as it was to no longer feel his presence in this world... I couldn't help but imagine him walking into heaven.... walking.. something he hadn't done in years. He was no longer in pain, he was no longer suffering. Nick was finally healed and had a new body in heaven. 

     So I cry... and wish he was here to play with my children, to be proud of Chad and his military accomplishments while still stating Navy is better than Army ((side note: Nick LOVED Chad. Chad even told me before we were ever engaged that Nick told him if Chad and I didn't work out... Nick would still love him and be in Chads life no matter what)), I miss his big bear hugs, the advice he would give even when you didn't necessarily ask for it but gives it anyway... so I cry. I let myself be sad and think those selfish thoughts of wanting him here. But I don't let myself stay in that sad place long. I don't like to wallow or dwell on the sadness because that's no way to live and Nick wouldn't want me to do that. I look to the future now and I am thankful that one day I will see Nick again. 

     For those that have lost loved ones so dear to you... its okay to be sad. We are blessed to have loved someone so deeply. Just don't let the sadness overtake you. 

The day my mom and Nick got married. I gained the best bonus dad. 

Friendship Dating

     It is a Saturday night and I am staring in my closet begging for an outfit to jump out at me to wear that will be fabulous and comfortable. Sadly, I've been staring at my clothes for at least ten minutes and nothing has changed. You are probably thinking "oooo big date with the husband, huh?!"and you are WRONG. I wouldn't take so long to get dressed for my husband ((lol)) We are going to meet up with a guy my husband works with and I will be meeting him AND his wife. Someone who could possible be my potential new friend in this new place we are at. This is what I call friendship dating and not only that... but a BLIND friendship date.

     I have done many of these "friendship dates". My husband normally works with guys that he connects with and says I should meet their wives because we would get along and yadda yadda yadda. These would be the blind dates. I do have to say, some of my best friendships have come from blind friendship dating. In recent years, Facebook groups have helped with connecting with new people. With being in the military life so long, you learn to realize that some people connect better with others... then there are those crazy army spouses that you just want nothing to do with. You know... the ones that "wear" their husbands rank and THINK they are above other wives because of this. Or those wives that are just so psycho about their husband... "OMG, that cashier at the PX was practically salivating over my husband while we were checking out... who does she think she is?!" Yes, those women are everywhere... military or civilian but I feel like majority of them... are associated with the military. Anyways, there is always a vetting process for me when it comes to friendships. I've let me guard down and let women I barely know into my life and home because deployment connected us... and then I got hurt and cast aside by those same women. Hence the friendship dating process.

     For some reason, I also find it harder to find friends the older we get in the military. Being young and in Italy with no kids, I had my circle of friends that I depended on and loved as family. You would think that having kids would be a common ground with other women to talk to and make friends but... for me I feel intimidation.

     I blame my hometown roots. I grew up in the same small town and went to the same school with the same kids from Kindergarten to high school graduation. I thought I was outgoing and social. Then I went to college... and reality smacked me in the face. I became shy and recluse. I realized in that one semester I did NOT want to be a teacher so I moved back home to community college to finish my freshman year. It was as if God took note of my uncomfortableness and said "Let's make her an army wife. That way she has to start over every 3 years and be in places she's never been before." This life has truly pushed me outside my comfort zone and because I was outside my comfort zone... I have made friendships that will last a lifetime.

     So my friendship dating her in Oklahoma continues. I have met nice women and a new friend all thanks to Facebook. If you are wondering what happened on that Saturday night,  I finally decided on an acceptable outfit, festive for the fireworks but comfortable since we were going to be outside. The potential friend was nice and seemed perfectly normal. As always... the friendship dating continues.

Seasoned?

I am turning 30 years old this year... thankfully I didn't say that out loud because if I had, I'd probably have a mini heart attack. I have no clue as to why I am having so much trouble with turning the big 3 0. Things just change when you are thirty... you hit a new level of adulthood and you should have everything in your life figure out by then. Maybe that's why I freak out with the thought of 30. I have NOTHING figure out... and this adulthood just keeps trucking along anyway. 

So why did I title this post Seasoned? Well, you had to hear the mini back story of me feeling like I'm turning OLD at the end of the year. So the other day, my husband and I had to attend a work gathering of his. We are new to Fort Sill, Oklahoma. We knew nobody at this gathering but my hubs wanted me to meet his chain of command so we strapped the kids in the car and headed toward the park where the cookout was taking place. Soon after we arrived, my husband introduces me to the Drill Sergeant he is replacing in the Battery. 

((RANDOM Army info that I'm sure you don't care about but I am forever plague with knowledge of the Army... thanks babe.--Fort Sill is an artillery base and they call a company (like the other airborne infantry units he's been in) a Battery.))

The guy starts telling us about Drill Sergeant life... how my hubs won't ever be home, many many wives call asking where their husband is (( he's working! duh!)) and that he's seen 5 or 6 drill sergeants gotten divorce in the 2 years he has been here. What a nice conversation huh? My hubs proceeds to tell the guy about his 3 deployments and our lack of communication... all the training rotations where he's been gone weeks at a time with little contact. I also bring up the fact we've been married for almost 10 years... basically pleading our case that we are different. For those who aren't familiar with the military, there is always talk of how high the divorce rate is for military couples compared to civilian couples. So we hear the horror stories of cheating scandals and divorces. 

Anyways, my hubs then tells the guy... "She is seasoned". WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! Is he calling me old?? Seasoned as in... season your food?? Those were my initial thoughts when I heard that come out of my hubs mouth. Then I took a second... and thought about it. He was giving me a compliment! Bing dictionary defines seasoned as accustomed to particular conditions, experienced. 

He was saying:

I know how the Army works...
I know not to get my hopes up because plans change...
I know how to miss someone whose thousands of miles way and never hear from them for weeks...
I know my hubs will have to do stupid stuff that the Army demands so he won't be home for dinner that night...
I know the Army comes first in our house...

Seasoned... I have seen all sides of the Army life. The good, the bad and the ugly! So as silly and not very flattering "seasoned" might sound... I take it as the highest compliment from the hubs. He was saying he's not worried about me during these next 2 years as a drill sergeants wife. He's not worried about us.  ((insert mushy love emoji here!!))

When we got home that night.... I smiled and hugged that man I love so hard. I told him thank you for the compliment... so maybe turning 30 won't be that bad. I couldn't be "seasoned" at 20 years old, living in Italy at our first duty stationed while my hubs left 3 weeks later for his first deployment. I wish I was...would have made it some what easier but it got me to where I am today.  A seasoned Army wife.